Dating 101
Urgh, is it Monday already? I feel like we didn't even have a weekend and we gained an hour on Saturday. Quick weekend recap... I got a good night's sleep on Friday night to get ready for the 18 miler on Saturday. The run was wonderful! Nancy ran the first half with me, and the second half was with Jess, her son Gabriel and Wendy! Danielle joined us for the last couple of miles and we all headed out to brunch... families, husbands and children! Tosha and Regan also joined for brunch, so there was a huge group of us!
So as the youngest (not by much) member of our group of friends, I am the only single one in the bunch. I love spending time with the girls and their husbands and families because I am reminded of the amount of love and support these women get from their families.
When I moved here in May 2005, I had been dating someone for 6 years. We met in soccer training camp my first year at University and hit it off immediately. There were a number of bumps in the road but when I moved here I was convinced that we would eventually be married. Then something happened when I got here... I started to open my eyes to what a real loving relationship was supposed to be. I had for a long time known that he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated, or the way I saw other men treat their significant others. So I finally decided that 6 years was not a waste of time or effort, but that I was still better off being single at 25 than being unhappy with him. That was about 16 months ago.
I decided to take some time off dating... I did the rebound thing and the get hurt thing first, and realized that if I wasn't happy with myself, I would never be happy with anyone else. I spent almost a year taking the time to find my way on the West coast, and training with the girls was a huge part of finding what makes me happy and what keeps me strong. I finally agreed, after lots of convincing from friends, that I would join match.com.
I would say that I have truly connected with 3 men in my life, and with each it was SOOOO easy. Almost instantaneous sparks, no effort connection. And no, I'm obviously not with any of then now for a number of reasons or unfortunate circumstances. :) But this dating thing is not so easy... what happened to the no effort connection? I'm not expecting to find "the one" on a first date, but I would love a hint of the sparks, the butterflies or the can't wait to see you again feeling. Nothing. Even when I thought there could be some potential it quickly turned south.
I can't help but wonder if I'm going to be like some of my single friends... starting down the volume dating road where I kiss (or don't come close to kissing) a lot of toads before I find my prince? An online profile can be very accurate, or frighteningly deceiving, and you don't really know if there will be a connection until you meet. So the game plan is do stick with it... volume date, meet lots of people so that when I do meet that special someone, I will have filtered through a lot of crap and know what really matters to me. I gave it a fair shot this weekend... both Saturday and Sunday night. Saturday was not so bad, and I think we'll be going out again soon... Sunday, not nearly so good. But I think that's the point, learn from the good and the bad dates, don't give up and don't get discouraged. Let's hope that "connection" is just around the corner!
Back to business... soccer tonight, stats for today:
Egg beater sandwich (245 cals)
Apple (75 cals)
Coffee in milk (30 cals)
Smart Ones Lasagna (290 cals)
Broccoli (30 cals)
20/20 shake (290 cals)
1/2 cup pearl barley (100 cals)
1/2 cup corn (60 cals)
3 oz stuffed salmon (300 cals)
Total (1420 cals)
So as the youngest (not by much) member of our group of friends, I am the only single one in the bunch. I love spending time with the girls and their husbands and families because I am reminded of the amount of love and support these women get from their families.
When I moved here in May 2005, I had been dating someone for 6 years. We met in soccer training camp my first year at University and hit it off immediately. There were a number of bumps in the road but when I moved here I was convinced that we would eventually be married. Then something happened when I got here... I started to open my eyes to what a real loving relationship was supposed to be. I had for a long time known that he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated, or the way I saw other men treat their significant others. So I finally decided that 6 years was not a waste of time or effort, but that I was still better off being single at 25 than being unhappy with him. That was about 16 months ago.
I decided to take some time off dating... I did the rebound thing and the get hurt thing first, and realized that if I wasn't happy with myself, I would never be happy with anyone else. I spent almost a year taking the time to find my way on the West coast, and training with the girls was a huge part of finding what makes me happy and what keeps me strong. I finally agreed, after lots of convincing from friends, that I would join match.com.
I would say that I have truly connected with 3 men in my life, and with each it was SOOOO easy. Almost instantaneous sparks, no effort connection. And no, I'm obviously not with any of then now for a number of reasons or unfortunate circumstances. :) But this dating thing is not so easy... what happened to the no effort connection? I'm not expecting to find "the one" on a first date, but I would love a hint of the sparks, the butterflies or the can't wait to see you again feeling. Nothing. Even when I thought there could be some potential it quickly turned south.
I can't help but wonder if I'm going to be like some of my single friends... starting down the volume dating road where I kiss (or don't come close to kissing) a lot of toads before I find my prince? An online profile can be very accurate, or frighteningly deceiving, and you don't really know if there will be a connection until you meet. So the game plan is do stick with it... volume date, meet lots of people so that when I do meet that special someone, I will have filtered through a lot of crap and know what really matters to me. I gave it a fair shot this weekend... both Saturday and Sunday night. Saturday was not so bad, and I think we'll be going out again soon... Sunday, not nearly so good. But I think that's the point, learn from the good and the bad dates, don't give up and don't get discouraged. Let's hope that "connection" is just around the corner!
Back to business... soccer tonight, stats for today:
Egg beater sandwich (245 cals)
Apple (75 cals)
Coffee in milk (30 cals)
Smart Ones Lasagna (290 cals)
Broccoli (30 cals)
20/20 shake (290 cals)
1/2 cup pearl barley (100 cals)
1/2 cup corn (60 cals)
3 oz stuffed salmon (300 cals)
Total (1420 cals)
posted by Aleks @ 10:21 AM
4 Comments:
At 6:13 AM,
Wes said…
You are a beautiful young woman. Mistakes are made most often when we rush things. You said two things that fill me with pride and great hope:
"I started to open my eyes to what a real loving relationship was supposed to be. I had for a long time known that he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated."
Oh, God bless you. Yes! You teach people how to treat you. Don't settle for less.
"if I wasn't happy with myself, I would never be happy with anyone else."
Relationships begin from within yourself. Then you build something greater than the sum of its parts. Just don't set your personal happiness barometer too high. We are not perfect. Our lovers are not perfect. The world is not perfect. Relationships are hard work.
Ya know, you really have a good head on your shoulders. I believe you are going to achieve great things in both your personal and public life.
Happy Halloween!
Wes
At 9:07 AM,
Sarah said…
Hey Aleks,
Sounds like you are approaching this with a lot of thought - that's awesome! I too ended a long relationship (5 years, ending when I was 23) and felt a bit unsure of myself and what to do next ("should I have just married him, even though I knew I was 'settling'??" - I had those kind of thoughts more than once!). Anyway, I patiently waited and dated for 2 years and then ended up with my fiance... someone who I've actually known since I was 13 but never thought of dating because he is 3.5 years younger than me! I guess the point of this is, it sounds like you have a great attitude and mr.right may fall into your life when you least expect it! :)
Sarah
At 8:15 PM,
Unknown said…
I am a HUGE proponent of volume dating and I think meeting guys online is a great way to go. It's like shopping for boys! :)
Tom and I met online, and at the time I was dating about 3-5 times a week. (Just dating, nothing else!) Anyway, my point is that I completely embraced volume dating and it definitely worked for me. I have a feeling it will work for you too... Can't wait to hear how things turn out!
At 6:49 PM,
Jodi said…
We're on the same page here. I haven't tried the volume dating thing yet. Still recovering from the rebound get hurt because I'm not emotionally ready to date anyone thing. I'm still not ready...
Best of luck!
Jodi
Post a Comment
<< Home